We don’t dwell on darkness, who would? As a species we are hardwired with fight or flight instincts which chemically ensure our own personal survival, but what happens when we’re forced to confront mortality in others?

The death of a loved one, or someone close to us, can be one of the most traumatic moments in our lives. We’re not great at sharing or discussing topics like grief and bereavement and therefore, unless you’ve experienced grief before, most of us are unprepared for the visceral pain such a passing can cause.

This is why I thought it was important to write my book on grief, but before I get to that I realised there was also a need for a simpler shorter guide to coping with bereavement.

Having faced more than my fair share of grief in my life I realised I wanted to share the coping strategies I’d learned over the years just in case I could spare any one from agony such a loss can bring. I cover most of this in far greater depth in the e-book, but the concepts are the same.

So, here are three of the takeaways from my book that I find bring comfort in the darkness.

Look ahead not back.

There will be time to reflect in the future. Right now, try not to focus on the past and look instead towards a brighter time when you know you will have the energy to cope.

Think about the last time you broke up with a partner. Remember the overwhelming feeling of despair and the doubt that flooded your head with thoughts that you’d never love again? Of course, in time you healed and now it’s hard to imagine why you felt so low.
You need to look ahead at this time too and borrow strength from the future. Take comfort from knowing that there will be a time when you are strong enough to cope and fill your heart with the resolve you need to see you through these painful early days.

Take comfort in those around you.

Grief can feel so isolating, it can trick you into building walls and creating your own personal purgatory of woe. You must resist the urge to fall into deep self-pity and instead allow yourself to take strength from others you know are also hurting.

Empathy is a powerful force and with shared grief can come shared solace. Reach out to your friends and family and don’t hold your grief in.

Look after yourself

In times following great loss, it’s too easy to forget yourself. It can be hard enough to just stop weeping for a minute let alone get out of bed, go to work, or clean the house.

It is common for those suffering to neglect the everyday things we take for granted. Try to remember then to keep to your normal routine. You need to keep waking up and getting out of bed and remembering to brush your teeth and have breakfast. Simple things, but whoever it is you have lost, do you think they would want to see your health and mental health decline and suffer?

I hope these simple ideas bring some solace, and if you'd like to know more about the full length e-book, Dealing With Grief (A Comforting Guide For The Recently Bereaved), you can find more details